Have you ever had a complete flashback of certain experiences in your life? Well, that's what happened to me today. I started remembering all the guys i've ever liked, and how every single one of them i've let go due to them liking a friend of mine. It started with Tyler. He was the first crush, but I was so young back then. I still remember how it hurt though. I remember how after 4 years of liking him, I finally got the nerve to tell him because I couldn't handle it anymore. Less then a week later, he was dating my best friend Tiffany. Tiffany and I had been inseperable and we still pretty much are to this day, we arn't really amazingly close anymore but she still tells me things she tells no one else, and I'm still there when she needs me. The things is, back in middle school when she said yes to Tyler after knowing how I had the biggest crush on him, it hurt. But, I wanted them both happy. I find thats when it all started. When I always decided i'd think of other peoples happiness before my own. I did everything I could with Tyler and Tiffany to help them in their relationship. It lasted for a few months, and both of them told me everything. They both talked to me about the other person, and I still have emails from them when they dated. Like I said, I wanted them happy, so I'd do everything I could to help. Then came Scott. Again, I'd known Scott forever and he had already dated Tiffany but she said it was okay that I liked him. I liked him on and off for less then 2 years. I told him, and a few months later he started dating Sarah. Sarah and I would take walks around the church parking lots talking about him, and I'd do everything that I could to make sure they were happy. That's how I was. Then I liked Cody. That was stupid. He never dated anyone, and i'm glad I didnt date him ever, lol. He's a good kid, but not my type at all. I liked him in 8th grade for a few months and the whole time he liked Tiffany, but she was dating his brother Anthony. It was so hard everyone I ever liked falling for my best friend, or a good friend of mine. That summer I met this boy at Master Piece Gardens *church camp*, his name was Keagan,and he was sweet and amazing. I met him through sitting in the middle of the road giving out Doritos with this girl I met there named Jen. We gave out this bag one dorito at a time, and he came by and stole the whole bag. We both got up and ran after him. Later I saw him buying a shirt, and he told me his name, and I was confused. What kind of name was Keagan? But, at that moment I smiled, and I thought he was really cute. Through the week we talked more each day, and he would see me from across the camp and wave at me. It made me smile, and I got the sterotypical camp crush on him. I thought he liked me, for the first time I thought a boy I had feelings for, might return them. But the day before the camp banquet he told me how he really like this one blonde girl that was always around him. She was short, and she was pretty. It made me sad, but I never showed him. I acted completly ecstatic for him, and I told him he should tell her. He was so cute, I remember one of those light braclets exploding in his mouth. That girl and I talked a bit during camp, and she told me she liked Keagan to, and she asked me if I liked him, and I told her no. I told her that they'd be cute together, and during service we all sat by each other and Keagan took my advice, and he held her hand. It hurt a little, but I knew he was happy and that's what mattered to me. I remember the camp banquet that year, I sat with my church people, and he sat on the other side of the room. I got up to get a drink once, and he got up at the same time I swear just to talk to me. He asked me how I was doing, and asked me if I had a date for the banquet, and when I told him no he told me about that blonde girl and I told him I was happy for him and we both went and sat down. A few years later when Keagan and I started talking again, I found out she cheated on him, and that he wished he asked me instead, but he just didn't know me very well. After Keagan came the first guy to ever return feelings for me. His name was Christopher. I fell what I thought back then was hard for him. He was my best friend since 6th grade and now it was 9th grade, and we had been seperated into two different high schools. Him Apopka. and I went to Ocoee. We talked all the time as best friends, and then I'd finally see him! I was so excited for MPA with band. I sat with him, and we ended up holding hands. It felt so good. I remember feeling so good inside, and I felt the pain every other guy gave me just leave because I was with Hoffman. We never dated, it got too complicated. For two whole years he was flip-flopping between liking me and Emma and I got sick of it, and let him have Emma. This time, I didn't think of her. I didn't like her in middle school, and I didn't like her then. I stopped talking to Hoffman for a while, and then things just got weird with us. Then here comes Rigel. 10th grade was the weird year, because Hoffman was with Emma, and then Grace so I had on and off crushes with Rigel for a few months. Hoffman and I finally tried being friends again, but I was still so mad at him. Then my birthday happened. It was March 24th and I turned 16. I went to Universal with my favorite people, and thats when I met John. He turned my world as I know it upside down. He made me feel whole, and I forgot everything. He did what Hoffman had first done, but to a new level. He kissed me, and he held me in his arms. Yes, this all happened the first day I met him. But, I knew I liked him the moment he smiled at me. He was my first boyfriend. He always texted me the cutest things, and he made me feel special. But, it ended 3 weeks later. Well, it never really ended, but we stopped dating then. Things have randomly happened between us the past 2 years of knowing him, and I loved him. The thing is, he loves my best friend. He told her the other day actually how he thought he was falling in love with her. She likes him too, and I'd do anything for their happiness. Erica is my world, and Johns a big part of it. I let it go, and I want them happy. Then came Zach, boyfriend number 2. I don't have much to say about him, except I don't like him and don't see why I dated him, but he taught me a lot so I don't regret it. He ended up dating my good friend Kara, she doesn't like him anymore either. I havn't liked anyone since then. It's weird. As the years progress I slowly like less people. I was content with just John, but I can't have him, and I had to let it go.
That's my story. I wonder why I always ALWAYS let my best friends date the guys I like. It hurts doing it, but I really would prefer knowing they were happy then for me to be happy myself. I love my friends, and I'd do anything for them. I really hope they know that. I just hope someday I find the guy who will go for me, and not for my best friend, that way I won't have to let him go so he'll be happy.
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