I believed in fairy tales.

My whole life I've dreamed of fairy tales, and of meeting my prince and of someday having my midnight kiss and living happily ever after. Yes, I know in life nothing is perfect and a marriage takes a lot of work, but whenever I find my husband, he will be my happily ever after. Today was one of the hardest days of my life. My "wanna-be-happily-ever-after" began dating a very good friend of mine. Actually, it started sometime last night but I was sleeping. I woke up to a phone call from Erica at 1 am, but I ignored it and slept because I felt really sick. I wake up and listened to her voice mail and I hear her crying her eyes out, and so I text her to find out John is dating Devon. It felt like a knife went through my heart. I cried. I cried harder then I have in a very long time. She told me that he didn't want to tell me about it because "he didn't want to hurt me." When in fact through Erica telling me, and him not having the guts to tell me himself it hurt a lot worse. So many questions are left unanswered with us, and that's what continues to bother me. He texted me later that morning and said good morning dear to me like he usually does. I didn't want to reply, but I did and told him good morning. He asked how I slept, and I told him not very well, but that seemed to be the latest trend as of late. He said he wished he could help, and he frowned. He still never told me. We haven't talked since. I've been talking to different people about it all day, and I think I need time away from him. It's hard to say that, and it'll be even harder to do, but if he really cares like he says, he will again try to talk to me. He did it before when we had that fight, but if this time I don't show i'm hurt, we will see if he notices anything. Plus, I hope he doesn't. I need time away so I can get over him. I can't keep holding on to something that continues to hurt me. It's not healthy. I'm slowly killing my heart. I need Jesus now more than ever to come hold me, and comfort me. I need him to grab me in his arms and let me know it'll all be okay. I hate feeling so all alone, and so broken.