How theTime Goes.

For the longest time now I have stopped writing in here and have been writing more on paper. I'm not exactly sure why, I assume it's because I have so much to say and a lot of it I don't want some people to ever find, so I write it on paper. I don't know. I need to start writing in here again. It's the best way I express myself minus through my music. So, starting today I will start updating every chance I get.

A lot has been going on recently. I've come to the realization I am supposed to be attending bible college, and so I applied to Southeastern. I'm waiting to send my Christian recommendation and Academic recommendation because Pastor Gary and Mr.Lamos are slow at filling those out. But, after I send it, I should know soon if thats where I'll be next year. I think it is. Lamos is pretty angry i'm number 18 in my school and didn't get accepted to UCF. He doesn't understand how I can be in the top 5% of my school and not make it into that school, but I decided it was because God wants me in bible college. It's a hard thing for me, when I won't have a marching band, but slowly i'm falling in love with the idea.

So lately, i've seemed less caring then normal. I guess it's because I got really close to this friend I made, and I cared for him a lot for only knowing him for such a short time, and everything blew up in my face because of my caring. We talked everyday really late, and then I finally really met him, and he stopped talking to me. It hurt because I cared, and only wanted to see him happy. We got into an arguement before we met about my caring, and he told me not to, and he yelled at me. I don't know. Maybe, I do care to much. But, I can't just change that. I've been thinking a lot recently, and that's why i've seemed kind of out of it, or not in tune with everything because i'm trying to figure out my life. I hate caring, and then it blowing up in my face, but I guess that's always going to happen with me.

Recently however, my heart has been fine with the whole John situation. I know I love him, and I know theres something special between us, that I can't exactly explain. He's an amazing guy, and i've finally just given it up to God. The last time I saw him we had this really deep conversation, and I saw a deeper look into his mind set and I fell more in love with him then ever. But, I also realized that I needed to let it go, and God would take care of his promises in my life. So for now, he's my best friend, and although I feel something strong with him, I've given it up to God. It makes me happy to know we can talk, and I won't feel pain.

Well, minus the massive stress that's been going on in my life, I've been going through a lot of weird emotions lately. I can't explain them, but I need God more then ever. I also need Erica.I havn't seen her in a month. I hope to see her soon. )= I guess that's the gist of all that's been going on..I'm sitting on my brothers bed watching him play xbox.I havn't done this in forever. I used to do it all the time.

Serenade.

The sun rises, and silence creeps from the earth. The ocean stirs, and all of God’s creatures begin to awaken as a new day forms in the silence and in the light. Back in the city there is seen a girl, one who is only 17, but yet she awakens to the brand new day wishing for more then she had before. She yawns letting go of the dreams that were bestowed upon her during the night. The dreams she had of him, and of being carried away into the night sky. The day brings upon new challenges, and she faces them all each day. She looks first at her sister who is sound asleep and who is still only 14 and has so much learning about life. The beauty of the life before her had brought gratefulness to her heart. Her sister was her best friend and her loving joy. She watched every breathe praying to God that she wouldn’t feel the same pain she felt each day. As she prayed she grabbed her bag to head out the door for another day of attack. She had no army, and she was all alone. She was at war with no earthly mate but herself, and she planned to fight back with all she had. The day had begun and this day she was prepared for whatever would be thrown her way. The tears fell down her face as the enemy attacked her with fiery arrows of loneliness, of inferiority, of rage, and of fear. The enemy knew her weakest points, and each day would attack the same area to bring her to her downfall. The girl hardened her heart, and became quick to revolt against the enemy. She needed an army, but she had been betrayed by one before and so she refused to ask for help. The pain had swelled to a new height in the girl’s life, and those around her began to see the impacts of the enemy. The tears formed and fell each night until finally the young girl came in contact with the commander of the army. The commander came unexpectedly and He whipped away every tear from her eye. Instead of the girl fighting the battle alone she now had a savior. This savior took one swipe at the enemy and he was never allowed to touch her again. The girl fell to her knees in astonishment and wept in joy at all the commander had done for her. She knew she hadn’t deserved a single thing, but yet He showed love when the world showed pain. The day finally came to an end, and the silence began to fall over the city and over the world once again. The birds chirped one last time, and the ocean was the only voice left on the earth through the night. The girl sat alone in the field in this silence looking at the stars. The commander told her that the stars were hers, and that when she looked at the stars she would find that love she longed for. The moon was bright and illuminated everything around the girl, but yet she still felt empty inside. She took to heart what the commander said, and believed that somewhere someplace her true love, her prince was looking at the stars and at the moon thinking of her too. She went back to her room, and sighed heavily as she looked into the sky one last time. She whispered one last prayer to the Lord who saved her through the day, and closed the door. She lay down on her bed, and all the thoughts of what would come swirled like butterflies in the sky. She smiled as she slowly began to slip away into her dream land once more as she began the cycle once again. Her dreams consisted of fairytales, of her being a princess and finding her prince and living happily ever after. This fairytale was like no other, for her prince was not only handsome and lovely in everyway, but he could bring reality. He made her feel real and he brought joy to her life. The words he said captured her heart, and she knew he was made just for her. This hopeless romantic slept peacefully through the nights with dreams surrounding her, and the moon shown brightly just for her as the stars gathered up in the sky and pointed down on the man she would marry. As she slept nature was wide awake, silently outlining her future. The Father in heaven smiled as he saw her sleep, and as he saw him sleep, knowing that one day they would do great works together for His kingdom. What a perfect plan the Lord thought, as He kissed His creation on her cheek letting her know she was safe throughout the night and throughout the day.

For Better Or For Worse

Advice: When a girl/guy is crazy about you and you know this but you claim to only love them as a friend do not tell them you love them for better or for worse.

I Just Fell Into Your Arms.

Last night I had this dream, that has inspired me beyond reason into writing a short story. I have yet to decide if I actually will because I suck at short stories. This is how my dream went. I remember being with friends and apparantly I had a seizure, this seizure caused me to fall out of the sky (lol. this part of my short story will be more realistic), into the most amazing guys arms. He was ice skating. He caught me, and saved my life. I was unconscious however, so I did not know anything about this until later my friends tell me that the guy ice skating saved my life and caught me in his arms. I get up, and I walk over to him, to thank him, and he gives me the most adorable smile. I fell hard, like I did when I fell into his arms. I ended up having to go to the hospital to check out my seizure, and he came with me, and he told me the best thing that ever happened to him was the moment I fell into his arms. He said he knew right away that I was the one he wanted forever. I was happy. The sad part was, he disappeared the next day. It felt like he was to good to be true, and I looked everywhere for him. I was with Rhonda, and I was crying my eyes out because I was in love with this boy, and he was no where to be found. We went into her car to search for him, and we searched all over the city. Somehow, I visioned him being with another girl, and it made no sense to me when he said he loved me? The other girl was my friend. (As I type this...I actually think I know what this relates too...I didn't get this until seriosuly JUST now.) We looked everywhere for the mystery man, and then the story switched to I was on stage doing puppetry for a group of kids, and I was happy, but deep down, there was a missing part of me that longed for the mystery man. Then my alarm went off...which angers me, because I wonder if I ever found him again..I guess I have to write that part of the story right?