The Rain

You know, there is something special about the rain. Something that I really can't find the words to describe the beauty of. You won't be able to understand what I am talking about until you feel the power of the rain for yourself. The rain takes away the old, as it brings the new. The drops fall in a certain pattern, and land in the exact place they are designed to fall. Without the rain there would be no beginning. Nothing new would be able to form, and all nature would slowly fade. When the rain falls, there is always going to be that girl who is standing in her street dancing through the storm. In the moment--that girl is me. As I stand in the midst of natures greatest gift, I feel the sorrows of yesterday being washed away and joy being brought into my heart. The rain slowly touches my silky cheek but with time it turns into a violent storm. The lightning strikes, and the thunder crashes and I can't help but stand in the middle of this dark scene. I twirl in the wind, and the dark sky becomes eerie to all who look upon it. However, the rain, which is now strong and mighty calms my heart. In the rain I am strong, and in the rain I am alive. It is through the rain I can breathe, and through the rain I can dance. I thank God for the gift of rain. It is through the feeling of rain, I have been able to conquer life's greatest trials. I can't describe the feeling, but that is the beauty of the experience.

So, i'm in kids church and in the skit today my character who is a karate master, (chuckina foo) wore Robotic Pants. She was angry because she bought it off ebay but the mail place mixed it up and instead of sending her the Kick Master 5000 sent her the Dancin' Machine 2.0. They made my character dance like crazy when I heard music. At one point they were playing music and I was screaming NOOO NOT AGAIN MAKE IT STOPPP. And I fell on the floor and hit the boys glass buddy barrell thing. My toe hurts sooo bad. But i got back up and was saying how I was supposed to be Jackie Chan not a Jonas Brother. Then I told everyone how once I was at a store and I started dancing to the jingles and this guy stopped me and asked me if I ever heard of the show "So You Think You Can Dance" and he told me I should try out for it....and I'd use the fame and money to give to missionaries so they can tell others about Jesus....yeah amazing skit

Lord, Why Me?

Have you ever wondered why me? This question constantly has been circulating my mind the last few weeks. I have constantly found myself in a place where I get on my hands and knees and scream out to God asking him why. Why do I have to be so strong, when inside I feel so weak? Why do I have to be the one to be so sure about everything, when nothing is ever sure? Why am I the one who gets hurt? Why do I have to always put on a smile? Why Lord, why me? I believe the answer to this question, can be answered through the question, Lord why not me? I believe I am blessed in my life, and I believe God has given me a wonderful gift. Everyday I question why, but instead I should be giving Him praise. I should praise His name for my strength, I should praise His name for sharing my future with me even when others may not know it, I should praise Him for the pain that I feel because although it tairs me down it teaches me and molds me and allows me to be stronger, I should praise Him for allowing me to always smile even through the storms. I have neglected praise, and instead have only questioned. When I know that God will be my shelter, when He will be my provider, my shoulder, and my answer why do I persist to fight Him? I believe it's out of fear. I believe that I have lived in fear my whole life, and I have let it take over my life. I will tell you the truth. I am scared of the future. I am so afraid that I will be a screw up in life. But I refuse to be another statistic. I refuse to let fear destroy me, and allow myself to fall into temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man, and God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I pray everyday that God will help me throughout life and allow me to see myself for who I am. For those of you who really know me, you know I suffer with low self esteem. I have suffered from that my whole life, and it's not only my downfall, but it's a daily struggle, it's a deception from the King of Deception himself, Satan. Although I know it's an attack from the Devil, I have yet to figure out how to conquor it. All my friends offer words of encouragement, but I push it away and tend to think they are lying to me because they are my friends. I know it's not the truth, I know that God has made me beautiful. Psalms 139:13-14 "For You created me in my inmost being, You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." However, although I know the truth the problem is seeing the truth. My biggest battle is with Satan, and I let him win. But now, I refuse to let him win anymore. Why let Satan win, when I have Jesus on my side? It seems sort of ridiculous to me. From this day forward I make it my priority when attacked with words of destruction to turn them into words of life. Jesus spoke life, and we are called to live a life after Christ.

I don't know where this entire epiphany came from. It could be from the pain I am feeling inside, or it could simply be from God the Father Himself. I am choosing to go with it's from God. I praise His name for opening my eyes and allowing me to see the destruction and the death I am causing myself. I will praise Him through the storms, I will praise Him through the battles. Forever will I praise Him. I feel that a massive burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel stronger, and I feel ready to take on Satan. Whom shall I fear?

Tux Shopping!

I went tux shopping today with John for prom. His blue vest does not match my blue, but it's okay. I don't care lol. It's the best we could do. We is ghetto. I love it. He's so awkward when it comes to these things. It reminds me of my father. I laughed. We are both gonna be really awkward on Saturday, we aren't really the formal type of people. However, tux shopping made me think of the future with my husband whoever he does happen to be. I thought of my husband getting his tux for the big day, it made me smile. I can and can't wait till that day. I have awhile though. I'm still really excited about Saturday. He picks his tux up at noon so I must remind him. He sucks at memory. I also must remind him to return it on sunday, that loserface. :) we'll church is gonna start soon so I must go. I need to start updating this more.

Hawaiian.

I am going to update this from my phone, because I am that cool. Ever since last night I have been in a extremely happy mood. I keep laughing and I love it. I blame Samantha and Sergio for it. Hahaha, I love them I really do. I think this weeks gonna be a good week. I have the best visual for my sermon ever that my dad came up with. I swear my Dad could of been a Pastor, just most people wouldn't like him because he thinks differently, but he really is very spiritual, like God has blessed him with not conforming with the "stereotypical christian views" and he is being shown things we can't see because he isn't tied down to what the norm is. I'm glad I grew up with him as my Dad, because it's taught me to dig deeper all the time and to think for myself, not to just take what Pastor's say as truth. I really look up to my dad. I'm in band class right now, and I'm just thinking and, laughing at Sam when she texts me, and wanting food, but I has none. I offically have 2 text messages waiting for me. So this is goodbye.

Dude.

Yeah. So did you know that the Japanese manachurists scare me? They is all like HONNG CHONNG FONG WONGGGG. Yeah. Scary stuff. I need to find the flower thing. I don't know where though. Where do you find flower things for tuxedos? Walmart? Bahh. No poke.... SWOOOSHHHH!

Princesses, Wild and Free

Princesses, Wild And Free
By John Foarde
For : Stephanie Parker, Rebekah Bentley, Erica Rumeau, Devon Flannery and Ashley Smith (that's the order of the princesses in the poem, I is the Princess of the sea =] )

There is a legend that I know,
Five ladies, winged and fair,
They gaurd the heights and down below,
All the Earth is in their care.

I see them when I watch the stars,
I smell them in the thunder storms,
I hear them in the spring bird's song,
I feel them in the sun so warm.

One soars amidst the forest trees,
All woodland creatures seek her face,
The bear and squirrel come bend their knees,
No wolf nor dear can keep her pace.

She rules her realm on verdent wings,
From her treetop home in the Secret Glade,
Her feathers, soft and precious things,
With hues of emerald and jade.

One lady reigns o'er the sea,
The ebbing, flowing tide,
All waters are her sovereignty,
All waters, far and wide.

Her wings reflect the ocean scene,
A soft and sweet azure,
But also with a touch of green,
Like the waves that slap the shore.

One has her kingdom everywhere,
For hers is one of flame,
Her spirit like her fiery hair,
Is one that won't be tamed.

Her wings are like a forest blaze,
Or the fiery mountain's flow,
A warmth is in her lovely face,
As a cheerful campfire's glow.

One lady rules the mountain peaks,
Her fortresses of stone,
The wayward traveler her favor seeks,
To find him safely home.

Her wings, deep purple, as the mountain face,
When the sun is just past gone,
And again before he takes his place,
In the hour before dawn.

One lady calls the skies her home,
The birds her closest friends,
Up above the clouds she roams,
Her kingdom has no end.

Her wings are like the sky she loves,
A light and airy blue,
She dances on the winds above,
With freedom pure and true.

This legend that I've come to tell,
Five ladies, winged and fair,
Is but my fantasy's portrayal,
Of friends that I hold dear.

Their every smile warms my heart,
For I look at them and see,
A sweet glimpse of their counterparts,
Princesses, wild and free.