Lord, Why Me?

Have you ever wondered why me? This question constantly has been circulating my mind the last few weeks. I have constantly found myself in a place where I get on my hands and knees and scream out to God asking him why. Why do I have to be so strong, when inside I feel so weak? Why do I have to be the one to be so sure about everything, when nothing is ever sure? Why am I the one who gets hurt? Why do I have to always put on a smile? Why Lord, why me? I believe the answer to this question, can be answered through the question, Lord why not me? I believe I am blessed in my life, and I believe God has given me a wonderful gift. Everyday I question why, but instead I should be giving Him praise. I should praise His name for my strength, I should praise His name for sharing my future with me even when others may not know it, I should praise Him for the pain that I feel because although it tairs me down it teaches me and molds me and allows me to be stronger, I should praise Him for allowing me to always smile even through the storms. I have neglected praise, and instead have only questioned. When I know that God will be my shelter, when He will be my provider, my shoulder, and my answer why do I persist to fight Him? I believe it's out of fear. I believe that I have lived in fear my whole life, and I have let it take over my life. I will tell you the truth. I am scared of the future. I am so afraid that I will be a screw up in life. But I refuse to be another statistic. I refuse to let fear destroy me, and allow myself to fall into temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man, and God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I pray everyday that God will help me throughout life and allow me to see myself for who I am. For those of you who really know me, you know I suffer with low self esteem. I have suffered from that my whole life, and it's not only my downfall, but it's a daily struggle, it's a deception from the King of Deception himself, Satan. Although I know it's an attack from the Devil, I have yet to figure out how to conquor it. All my friends offer words of encouragement, but I push it away and tend to think they are lying to me because they are my friends. I know it's not the truth, I know that God has made me beautiful. Psalms 139:13-14 "For You created me in my inmost being, You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." However, although I know the truth the problem is seeing the truth. My biggest battle is with Satan, and I let him win. But now, I refuse to let him win anymore. Why let Satan win, when I have Jesus on my side? It seems sort of ridiculous to me. From this day forward I make it my priority when attacked with words of destruction to turn them into words of life. Jesus spoke life, and we are called to live a life after Christ.

I don't know where this entire epiphany came from. It could be from the pain I am feeling inside, or it could simply be from God the Father Himself. I am choosing to go with it's from God. I praise His name for opening my eyes and allowing me to see the destruction and the death I am causing myself. I will praise Him through the storms, I will praise Him through the battles. Forever will I praise Him. I feel that a massive burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel stronger, and I feel ready to take on Satan. Whom shall I fear?