How theTime Goes.

For the longest time now I have stopped writing in here and have been writing more on paper. I'm not exactly sure why, I assume it's because I have so much to say and a lot of it I don't want some people to ever find, so I write it on paper. I don't know. I need to start writing in here again. It's the best way I express myself minus through my music. So, starting today I will start updating every chance I get.

A lot has been going on recently. I've come to the realization I am supposed to be attending bible college, and so I applied to Southeastern. I'm waiting to send my Christian recommendation and Academic recommendation because Pastor Gary and Mr.Lamos are slow at filling those out. But, after I send it, I should know soon if thats where I'll be next year. I think it is. Lamos is pretty angry i'm number 18 in my school and didn't get accepted to UCF. He doesn't understand how I can be in the top 5% of my school and not make it into that school, but I decided it was because God wants me in bible college. It's a hard thing for me, when I won't have a marching band, but slowly i'm falling in love with the idea.

So lately, i've seemed less caring then normal. I guess it's because I got really close to this friend I made, and I cared for him a lot for only knowing him for such a short time, and everything blew up in my face because of my caring. We talked everyday really late, and then I finally really met him, and he stopped talking to me. It hurt because I cared, and only wanted to see him happy. We got into an arguement before we met about my caring, and he told me not to, and he yelled at me. I don't know. Maybe, I do care to much. But, I can't just change that. I've been thinking a lot recently, and that's why i've seemed kind of out of it, or not in tune with everything because i'm trying to figure out my life. I hate caring, and then it blowing up in my face, but I guess that's always going to happen with me.

Recently however, my heart has been fine with the whole John situation. I know I love him, and I know theres something special between us, that I can't exactly explain. He's an amazing guy, and i've finally just given it up to God. The last time I saw him we had this really deep conversation, and I saw a deeper look into his mind set and I fell more in love with him then ever. But, I also realized that I needed to let it go, and God would take care of his promises in my life. So for now, he's my best friend, and although I feel something strong with him, I've given it up to God. It makes me happy to know we can talk, and I won't feel pain.

Well, minus the massive stress that's been going on in my life, I've been going through a lot of weird emotions lately. I can't explain them, but I need God more then ever. I also need Erica.I havn't seen her in a month. I hope to see her soon. )= I guess that's the gist of all that's been going on..I'm sitting on my brothers bed watching him play xbox.I havn't done this in forever. I used to do it all the time.